Cinnamon and clove. Pine needles and snowflakes. A crackling yellow fire danced in the centre of the den's recessed wall and soft bells accompanied by a plucking harp sang from the portable CD player. White fairy lights bordered the ceiling and a special potted plant hung from the corner of the room. A little orange striped cat was curled up on the sectional sofa and a large silky golden retriever laid sprawled out close to the fireplace's heat.

Sitting beside the cat, with legs drawn up, a book in one hand and steamy cup of festive tea in the other, was twenty-two-year-old Thailee Mills. She had been spending her Sunday evening swaddled in a fuzzy fleece blanket and reading the second installment of her favourite crime series. She was so immersed in an action scene that she didn't hear her phone ring.

It wasn't until her golden dog, Nun-i, which meant "snow," began whining.

"What is it, boy?" Thailee lifted her eyes from her story and stared at her dog. "Oh! Where's my phone?" Thailee threw the blanket off and began fumbling through the empty take-out boxes and balled up Kleenexes. She tossed the pillows aside and checked under the sofa, it wasn't until she moved the couch cushions did she, at last, find it.

"Annyeong?"

"Thailee! Who closed the store tonight?" came the squeaking voice of the night time manager.

Thailee closed her eyes and pressed her palm against her forehead. She knew getting off earlier was a bad idea, especially since the manager on duty was known for taking short cuts. "Ms. Song, it was Manager Dan-i. I left her the checklist, but I guess she ignored it again."

"It was a mistake ever promoting her. She left the milk out and didn't update last night's inventory. Whatever, please fix it tomorrow?"

"Ne, Ms. Song, I'll haveit fixed tomorrow." Thailee held back her frustration. She didn't understand why she, as a normal team member, had to do the work of a manager and not be paid for it. But she was nice and a hard worker, and didn't want the business to fail because of an irresponsible person. She cared about her job and enjoyed serving the regular customers she had grown to love for the past year and a half. Thailee knew why Dan-i was promoted: her charisma outweighed her work ethic. It surprised everyone when she was promoted and Thailee was even the one who trained her! But there was nothing Thailee could do and she knew complaining about it wouldn't make her job at Sarang Cafe any easier.

"Have a good night, Ms. Mills."

"Gamsahapnida, you as well." Thailee hung up and tossed the phone onto the couch. Groaning, she plopped down and let out a frustrated squeak. "Why? Why me? Oh well, hopefully they'll give me a raise by the end of the year." Thailee sprung back up and walked over to her small Christmas tree. It was her favourite time of the year, and she always loved the warm and comforting memories she shared with her longtime American boyfriend, Jordan Browne.

Smiling, she glanced at the framed photo of the two of them posing on a snow-covered swing. Her arms were wrapped around him and he was planting a kiss on her cheek. She thought he was so handsome with his bright blue eyes, tawny coloured hair, and soft trimmed beard. He was also very tall and fit, something that made her feel secure and womanly. Her parents weren't fond of him at first, but his ambitious spirit and seemingly sincere manners won their hearts eventually.

Thailee missed him dearly, as he had gone back to Americato finish his Bachelor's degree in biology. He promised her he would come back in time for the holidays and, from the way he kept hinting about a "surprise", Thailee was already dreaming of a diamond ring. They had been together for almost five years, and it almost felt like the right time for them to move forward in their relationship.

Going back to the couch, Thailee sat down and picked up her phone. Opening her contacts and scrolling down to her favourites list, she found his name. Her cheeks glowed pink and another smile warmed her face. She clicked on his name and waited for him to answer.

Thailee was a very pretty young lady with jet black hair, porcelain coloured skin, thin lips, and expressive brown eyes. Her petite body portrayed her as someone timid and weak, but she was quite the opposite. Thailee demonstrated her intelligence time and time again, whether it was when she was in school or at work. She earned straight A's in every class, taught herself English, and she also saved Sarang Cafe from going out of business by improving how they reached out to customers. But during all of her accomplishments, she never boasted, nor asked for more, even if she deserved it.

"Hello?"

Thailee's heart somersaulted and she broke into a wider smile. "Jordan? What you up to?"

"Oh! Hey, can I call you back? I'm driving a friend home."

Slightly taken aback, as he rarely ever did anything past eleven o'clock at night, Thailee's voice softened. "Sure."

"Okay! It won't take long. Maybe another half hour? He lives far away."

"That's fine. Be safe. Love you." Thailee hung up and looked over at Nun-i. "Well, at least I got to talk to him." She stood up again and began cleaning up the den area. As she did, a heavy feelingtook over and she felt a knot twisting in her stomach. Grabbing her phone, she called Jordon again. This time, he didn't pick up. "Maybe he really is busy. Oh well. Wonder what friend he'd be driving home? He doesn't drink, so he must've have gone to a bar, especially on a Sunday."

After she had straightened up the couch and closed the glass doors on the fireplace, she switched off the music and headed for the bedroom. Nun-i trotted behind her, his fluffy tail waving back and forth. Thailee entered her room, which was lit with several holiday scented candles and a colourful lava lamp Jordan had gotten her to celebrate their five years together. She went over her vanity and blew out the candles and turned on the radio to the Christmas station. Thailee checked her phone again. Still no messages. Sighing, Thailee changed into her reindeer patterned pajamas and crawled into bed. She looked up at the ceiling, where she had arranged her favourite polaroid photos of her and Jordan. She felt a little better.

Turning over, she stared at her clock, waiting for her boyfriend to return his promised call. A half hour passed and it was almost midnight. Thailee yawned and shook her head, trying to fight the sleep. She knew she had to wake up in six hours to open the store and fix Dan-i's mistakes, but it wasn't a good night if he didn't talk to her. Growing more frustrated, Thailee called him again. This time, she was sent straight to voicemail.

Thailee gasped and quickly went to her messages. She typed out a note and sent it to him. She began biting the skin around her nails, a bad habit she did when she was anxious or afraid. This wasn't like him to not respondat all.

"Maybe he's hurt? Car accident? Did he forget to charge his phone again?" Thailee sat up and looked at her phone again. The message hadn't been delivered yet. Going back to her contacts, she scrolled through until she found his roommate's number. Dialing it, she waited.

"Hello? Thailee?"

"Hey Mark, I'm sorry to call so late. I'm worried about Jordan, he hasn't returned my calls. Is he okay?"

"Oh yeah, he's fine. He got home about an hour ago and went straight to bed. He must've been tired."

Thailee didn't reply. Her heart tightened and for some reason, she felt really hurt. The thought of him getting home earlier than he had anticipated and then not returning her call like they had always done, made her eyes moisten with tears. "Oh, okay. Can you tell him to call me tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"Thanks." Thailee quickly clicked the red button and buried herself under the comforter. Tears streamed down her cheeks as snow began to fall outside. She had always looked out the window before she went to sleep, so that she wouldn't miss the first snow fall. But instead, she blacked out the world and hid in her overthinking.

2 AM. Thailee woke up with a sharp gasp.  The dream she had been fighting to get out still lingered in her reality.  Pushing herself upright, she stared out into the silver blue darkness.  Realising that such a natural tint only happened when it snowed, Thailee looked out her bedroom window and saw a blanket of feathery snow covering her windowsill.  Feeling a little better, she tossed the covers aside and walked over to admire the scenery.  

She watched her breath fog up the glass as her mind wandered to the dream she had of Jordan. The images of him walking out the door and driving away hauntedher like a dark shadow.  She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that would stop any manifestations.  Turning away from the window, she walked over to her nightstand and unplugged her phone.  Clicking it on, she sifted through the notifications.

He still hadn't messaged her. 

Thailee wasn't expecting him to, but it still made her feel worse.  Tossing her phone onto the bed, she switched on her small lamp, knelt down beside her bed, which had a built-in storage unit.  Opening one of the drawers, she reached in and grabbed her journal.  Taking a packet coloured pens, she climbed back onto the bed, crossed her legs Indian-style, and opened up to a blank page.  

Dear Diary,

      When you're in love you believe anything is possible. When you have that one person holding your hand you believe that you'll have them forever. When you look into that person's eyes you swear you see an angel. Love is both fragile and strong.  It's sad how trust takes years to build, but seconds to break.  I keep forgetting that while I am an adult, I still believe in love like a child. I still believe in forever.  I still pray for few conflicts. I want a perfect ending, but for some reason, I feel like mine is an arm length away.  There, but not mine.

       I wonder if Jordan is drifting from me?  I wonder if I've done something to make him not desire me anymore?  Am I too busy?  Too needy?  Give him too much space?  He's usually very interested in me, but lately I've been the one to ask him about his day and how he feels.  I hope he's not seeing someone else because that would destroy me.  I've done so much for him and have done so out of honest love...Ihope he doesn't think he has to repay me.  Does he feel guilty because we haven't been spending more time together?  Or has someone else caught his eyes?

Thailee placed her pen down and puffed out her cheeks in a long, heavy sigh.  Closing her diary, she tucked it back in the drawer and turned off her light.  She laid in bed, staring out at the virgin snow that had nothing else to do but look beautiful until the sun took over.  Maybe she was like one of the snowflakes?  Soft, unique, and perfect until the season changed, and she becomes nothing more than a photograph and a memory.  

Wanting to just sleep, Thailee closed her eyes and focused on the beating of her heart.  It was drumming fast for a moment, but after a few deep breaths, she was able to calm herself and go to sleep for another hour and a half.  

 

  ?? thank you for reading crystal snow - vote & comment ??