I moved into my abuela's house and it was amazing when I first moved in. She was nice and understanding and she wasn't mean like Trisha and I was just happy to be there. Well, that all began to fade and I realized it wouldn't always be that way. I woke up one morning and today so my abuela usually cooked breakfast that I loved. I went out into the living room and said good morning to my abuelo and he said good morning back. I want to talk to my Abuela because I wanted to know if we were going anywhere today. She looked at me and said "We're going to go to Walmart because I want to get some things that you can wear and look nice in" I said okay and ate breakfast. Later on, we went to Walmart and I was having fun because I never really got to bond with her and do things typical granddaughters do.

We went to the clothes section and I picked everything out that I wanted and I went to try them on because she hated taking back clothes. I tried on a skirt and a shirt and I would have never thought the words that came from her mouth would ever be said to me, especially from her. I came out of the dressing room and she had a disgusted look on her face and said "The skirt makes people see your legs and you have fat thighs so it doesn't look pleasing and the shirt has stripes that go sideways so you look really fat" and she started laughing like it was funny. She didn't realize I was self-conscious and I took things like that very personally. I didn't want to try anything else on but she made me because she didn't want to come back for more clothes. After we left she tried talking to me but I was just quiet when I had to talk and I didn't talk very much. I went home and locked myself in my room and cried while I texted my aunt Sue because I didn't know what else to do.

Little did I know that it would happen every time we would go to the store. It was a couple of months later and I didn't like going shopping and I didn't dress like a girl, I dressed more like a tomboy because I knew people wouldn't expect much out of me if that's how I dressed. I was having bad suicidal thoughts and school didn't help either because I wanted nothing to do there, I found two nice teachers but I pushed them away and was scared of them because they were all nice to me. I wasn't around nice people so I didn't trust anyone who treated me with dignity and respect. Well, I, ended up failing three classes and had to do summer school and my abuela wasn't happy I knew she thought I was stupid but she didn't understand how hard it was for me. I would go to school every day and act like everything was okay when it wasn't because I knew if CPS got involved I would not have anyone else to live with and I would have to go to a foster home. Well, I started self-harming and it got to the point where I had a suicide plan. I told my Aunt Sue that it had gotten really bad and I was hurting myself and I couldn't take it anymore and I was thinking about overdosing because I wanted to end it. She told my abuela that and all she could say was "Well don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do".I was having a hard time and she wouldn't put me on depression or anxiety medications because she didn't believe in it.

I ended up in the hospital a week later and was checked in for suicidal thoughts. I talked to Someone there and they just asked what had been going on. I honestly didn't know how to answer that question because I couldn't go through my whole life trauma. I just said I was feeling down and it got hard and she asked if I was okay to go home so I just said yes. I didn't want to stay longer because my abuela was already pissed I was there. After all, she says "You aren't depressed because you're always walking around laughing and smiling I didn't dare to tell her that it was all fake and I did it because I didn't want to make anyone mad. We left the hospital and I went and stayed with my aunt Sue. She is the kindest person ever and she always cared for me like a mother. I loved her for being there so that night I asked her if I could stay with her. She of course said yes but we had to talk to my abuela about it. We talked to her about it but she didn't want me to go.

Since that night happened the very next day I asked her if I could stay over at my aunt's house and she said yes. I ended up staying there and I have most of my things there but my abuela still has legal custody of me. I talked to my aunt and she said we could help her clean up her house and she could get custody of me. So this year 2025 she said I could live with her. I'm happy I could get away from the verbal abuse I have been through since my mom died.

A few weeks later I was at my abuelas house and there was a knock at my door. I opened the door and a lady was standing there with a clipboard. She kindly smiled at me and asked for my abuela. My Abuela came to the door and asked who she was and why she was there. The kind lady said her name was Samantha and she was with CPS. She wanted to do a welfare check on me. My abuela invited her in and I had to talk to her in my room. Once we got into my room she said "This is your room correct?" I said yes and she continued asking me questions.

She continued to ask if I was safe and so forth, which I wasn't but I didn't want to tell the truth. We left my room and she asked my abuela about my mom, she said my mom had passed so I was left with her. Samantha then proceeded to ask about my dad and if I had one, she said no that I never met him before and he was never in my life. I was curious I had a dad and he was in Florida so why did she say that? I went to school the next day and I had a couple of my friends do some digging with me because I knew that my "dad" wasn't my dad at this point. We did some searching and we found someone his name was Michael and he was with my mom. I knew and my sister I didn't have the same dad and they had the same dad except me.

I asked my second oldest sister Rochelle if she knew anything about my dad because I wanted to know who he was. She of course said no and it made me depressed because I found out I had lied to my whole life. I asked my aunt Sue who it was and she knew but she wouldn't tell me, I told my sister she knew but wouldn't tell and then they started texting her because they were pissed I wanted to know about my dad. They scolded her and my abuela for thinking about telling me who my biological father was. I know people didn't agree but I believed a girl should know who her father or mother is even if someone doesn't want them to know because it's not their decision My aunt finally looked at my abuela five minutes later and asked if she was allowed to tell me who it was, she said yes. My aunt looked at me and told me it was my mom's cousin Lennie. I started to cry because I had known him my whole life and he never said anything to me.

I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe it felt like I was hit by a truck and I couldn't breathe or get up. My abuela felt bad so she took me shopping and my aunt talked about it while walking around in the store. I asked how they got together because I was so confused, and she replied "You and Lennie went to a concert and they ended up hooking up together and it wasn't supposed to happen".I asked why he wasn't in my life and she replied "he said he would be there for you and your mom but after you were born he didn't. He stopped giving your mom money for diapers and formula because he accused her of going to the bar and drinking every night which was not true. Your mom cut off communication because she knew it wouldn't be a good environment for you".I said okay and dropped it because it was a lot just for a few days and finding all of that out. It was like a story, you never really know what's going to pop up on your way to a successful life.