My desire was for that perfect relationship with my dad. He doesn't me nor is he even considering me in any way. He is okay without me and the thought of not thinking about me. He built this strong wall between us that for years I tried breaking through, but it never worked. I guess he made sure that the cement was quality. I told mom but mom said I shouldn't mind him. it will be for my own good and peace of mind, but my peace of mind would be achieved by having that strong family relationship. My peace and joy come from a healthy strong family.

One night I sat into what mom said. Who else relates to that other pain? Fear struck me. Maybe mom is right. I mean the same man forced himself to me at age 7. Why do I still want a relationship with him? Why him? But he feels familiar. Never told mom. She's going to blame herself. This man is very good with manipulation. He got me worshipping him effortlessly. I don't want to admit that I am foolish for being okay with what happened. Maybe it's not that bad right.

I knew I was stupid, but he is all I ever wanted.

reality