~Sorry

I'm sorry I was distant

I'm sorry I jumped about kissing others

I'm sorry for flirting with my friends

I'm sorry I got jealous

I'm sorry I hurt you

I'm sorry I made you sad

I am sorry for destroying us

I'm sorry I still love you

I'm sorry I gave up on loving you so I can see you happy with someone else

It hurts but I'll get through.

~Sorry again

I'm sorry I like texting you

I'm sorry I love to send you stuff

I'm sorry I am a bother to you

I'm sorry I care about you

I'm sorry I want you to notice I'm here

I'm sorry I want your attention on me and not on him

I'm sorry it hurts to see you with him

I sometimes wish I was him so I could have you but I can't because I don't got the right parts

I'm sorry I apologise alot

I'm sorry that I can't stand seeing you with him

I'm sorry I'm a mistake you made

I'm sorry I destroyed your life

I'm sorry I told you what he said

I'm sorry I just wish you were mine.

~Sorry Family

I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted

I'm so sorry that I'm a shitty sister

I'm sorry that I'm depressed

And I cry alot

And hide in my room

I'm so sorry that I don't do everything that you ask

I'm so sorry I'm not perfect and pretty

I'm so sorry that I put such a damper on your lives

And that I'm tired

And antisocial

Please forgive me for being a human being

I really am sorry that I even exist

I wish I could disappear to make it easier on everyone

Seen as I'm such a horrible person

Seen as it's impossible to be nice to me

Impossible to deal with me

Impossible to love me

~Love?

Your smile light up my life

Your laugh made me smile

Your eyes made me drown

Your hands that held me ever so soft as if you let go, I would disappear

Just by your touch, I was shy

Your soft cheeks, I poked

Your cute nose, I bopped

Your voice was so beautiful

The words you said were enough to have me love you

But I was not able to keep it 

All the memories turn into nightmares

Those pathetic words "I love you" 

You tried loving me 

My smile did nothing to you 

My laugh, eyes did not do the same to you

My hands to small to keep yours

My touch was worth, nothing

My cheek, nose you never touched

My voice was too ugly to make you happy

My words so bitter and sour was not enough for you to love me the way, I did you 

But 

Thank you, for trying.

~Forever

You said you'd love me forever

Forever you said

Now forever means nothing

I'm no longer tied to you

By forever

I'm running my own game

The game where forever

Means absolutely nothing

Your silly words

Your infinity sign

Your messages

Your face

Are locked in a cage?

Your forever

Means nothing

To me.

~You

You took everything

you took my smile

you stole my laugh

you broke my heart

you took my love

you stole my light

you broke us

you took everything 

and gave everything 

to her

she has your smile

she has your laugh

she has your heart

she has your love

she has your light

she has you 

she took everything.

~Lonely

lonely

its quiet here

in this room

no people

no crowds

nothing exept me

and...

well...

besides my thoughts

they are here too

making me less lonely

before i got lonely

i was with you 

you held me in this bed 

now nobody but me

it used to be loud in here

but now

my thoughts are loud in this quiet room 

this room had life

but now its dead

i had a heartbeat 

but now it stopped

got to loud 

and...

well...

i listtened 

Goodbye lonely

~Better?

It gets better

Maybe not today

Maybe not tomorrow

But it will one day

But tonight, I'm staring at my ceiling

Remembering every mistake

Every fucked up lie

Every relationships I've destroyed

Every single friends I lost

Every sleepless night

Every heart break

Every single tear shed.

Maybe I won't get better

Maybe the mistakes,

Fucked up lie,

Relationships I've destroyed,

The friends I've lost,

Sleepless nights,

Heart break,

All the tears shed.

I deserve all of it,

All the pain I have caused,

I deserve to bring it to myself.

So, I drag the shape blade acrossed my skin,

Watching the blood drip down,

If does stop me from continuing my art.

I deserve this believe.

It will get better, Maybe.

~I LOVE YOU

I love you

I love you

I love you

Why do you think that I don't?

I'm standing right here in front of you

I'll never hurt you

All I ever do is lay in my bed wishing you were here with me

I'm literally yours

I don't talk to others

I don't think about others

And I want nothing to do with others

I don't let anyone touch me like you do

I don't get why you think I'll hurt you

I would never hurt you purposely

And everytime I do I feel horrible

I get mad when others don't get the hit that I'm not interested

I want you and no one else

I'm so tired of trying to convince you that I do.

I tell you all the time and you don't believe me..

I really do…

I have for 3 fucking years…

I tell you all the time 

I love you!!!

What do I have to do to get you to understand that….

~Stop

I stopped loving her

The second she left

And I didn't cry.

Why?

Because She wasn't making me happy

I spent most of my time crying and overthinking

The only time she bothered with me was when it was convenient for her.

I couldn't hug friends

I couldn't cancel last minute

Or tell her no.

She was too possessive

But last thing she said before we broke up was

"I don't want to see you with somebody else."

Well I am sorry but my love stopped for you.

I need to love myself and appreciate my body

I was a beautiful body and I don't want to cover it up because of others.

I don't need your love

Because I have the love of my family

And then love that only I can give myself.

P.S. Tell her to stop texting my family.

~The end~