i believe in rock bottoms

a place where you finally hit the ground

the darkest rockiest scariest place

there's no way it can go lower right

like how caves always have its rockiest bottom

you hear rock bottom and instantly think

"how can it get any worse from here?"

i mean

u could also think of the rock

but that's not the point

when you hear rock bottom you hear worst

lowest

broken

and when ur in a dark cave

filled of bats, drippy rocks

u walk and don't grasp the ground below you

there is always ground

there is always more

that's the thing we seem to forget

there's always something under the bottom

how would the ground exist if nothing was under?

which is ironic if you think about it

i question rock bottoms

how can rock bottom exist if there's another bottom under?

if there's a lower ground under

how can we truly be so low when there's lower

when there's worse

when u don't feel low enough to feel valid

when u don't feel sick enough to scream

you turn the bottoms over and over

until u hit the pit

what's crazy about this pit is that it's like a darker thicker ocean

it's filled of tar that's dark and black and everything around you is

black.

there's no light no way out no view of the demons that threw u down

it's so dark they've become unseeable

you've accepted that you'll be stuck in this tar forever

drowning in ur regrets and sorrow

wondering why nobody cared enough to stay

realizing that maybe ur the common denominator in every single life problem

ur trapped with tar filled of ur regrets ur pain ur exhaustion every flaw u carry

an aray of darkness, embarrassment and humiliation

there's no way out

this pit feels like ur dead

that they've finally won and killed you

but somehow ur body's still going ?

like some higher power doesnt think it's ur time

they killed u almost entirely

but there's one thing they couldn't do

and they'll torture me for it

they'll yell at me to do it

when all i want is to do IT

and maybe the time will come where i will

but it seems unlikely

rock bottoms don't make sense anymore

usually when something dies you bury it

you say ur goodbyes and call it a day right

maybe a coffin will solve it all

mourning urself is an indescribable feeling

u grieve someone who was never there

and wonder how much worse can it get

u float u drown u somehow dissociate enough to float again in this void of emptiness

life has proven one thing to me

it.

can.

always.

get.

w o r s e.

there's no end

it's suffering until HE decides it's over

oh well

feeling so low shouldn't be so comforting

but somehow i'm scared to not feel so low

and that's the thing about the endless pit

it makes u comfortable because that's all you've known

it feels like home

and u don't know who u are without the pain

who am i without the suffering without the depression without the rage

i'm a hollow shell of a human

i've faked my personalities mirrored people for as long as i can remember

masked who i truly was and grew faster than normal

now i've realized that i didn't lose myself

there was never someone to begin with

i was what other people wanted me to be

and when i wasn't. it was.. rough to say the least

i think the pit of tar has shown that somehow

the bottom doesn't exist

it never will

there's always a lower place

i don't believe in rock bottoms

i sometimes wish they existed

at least there wouldn't be lower right

maybe the pain and suffering would stay

but it wouldn't worsen

it could have even gotten better

but the sad thing is

we'll never know

i'll never know

rock bottoms are fake

rock bottoms don't exist.