It’s nine in the morning and I was still in bed. I could hear the sounds coming from the next room…chairs moving, running tap, and the typical sounds that one would hear from a hostel room on a Monday morning. My roommate was taking a shower and I realized that his ‘singing’ woke me up. I was supposed to attend the class at ten but for some reason, I was not even feeling to get up and sit.

I went through the events of the previous night which brought back a smile to my face. Just then Sam came out of the bathroom and caught me with an evil smile.

He said, “Oh…look who is smiling. I can read your mind man. You had a hell of a night yesterday, didn’t you?”

“Oh, yes I did”

“So you went partying all night or ended up watching three movies back to back like last week?” He asked.

I didn’t say anything but continued to smile. Sam might have understood that I wouldn’t utter a word because he didn’t say anything afterward and started to get ready for the same class that I had to attend and I was still in bed.

So this was pretty much my life. Carefree chap with no responsibilities and no serious relationships. When others of my age were working hard to find a job, to find the right girl, and get settled, I was flying free from nest to nest looking for momentary blips. I never got worried about my life, rather, I enjoyed every moment of it. I loved my life…My mother living miles away from me was unaware of my interesting life as I was good at hiding things.

Days passed by like this and I found more interest in my life which my friends said I should give up butI never did. 

But one realization changed everything…

It was a Sunday. And I was at a restaurant with Sam. Halfway through lunch, I felt a kind of pain on the left side of my tongue. In the beginning, I didn’t heed it but later the pain got worse. That night I checked myself in the mirror and found a black spot on my tongue as I doubted. It was so small that hardly I would have noticed if not for the frequent pain that I had while I ate food. After a few days, it became difficult to swallow and the pain became intense.

I refused to see a doctor as I was too proud. I didn’t want my friends to see that I got so scared easily. I tried not to show any signs of panic or botheration. I made myself believe that it was nothing.

Such things didn’t bother me but the fact that my father died of cancer began, in the same way, started to take my sleep away. Days became dull; I began to lose interest in everything. The pain got worse day by day. If what I doubted was true then I didn’t have many days left.

Days passed by. I began to give importance to trivial things in life. Earlier I thought I had so many years to live that I could achieve something later in my life. But the fact I would die after a few months made me realize that no one can predict what can happen in the next second and how I wasted my past doing nothing. I gave up my studies and found a job with my degree qualification.

After one month of getting the job, I got my first salary. It brought tears to my eyes as I wondered how many of suchdays were left for me. I was so happy that I could at least do this much for my mother. 

Seeing a doctor was still out of question for me because I feared that I would have to ascertain what I had in mind by doing so. Uncertainty at least gave me hope. Death is inevitable and would happen for sure, knowing when it would happen will only make my life more miserable.

One fine morning as I was getting ready for the office I realized that I was feeling weird.  I looked in the mirror to see my tongue swollen making the black spot even bigger. Seeing this, I got shocked that I called my mother and told her everything. Even though we were miles apart I could sense the pain in her voice. She remained silent for too long that I doubted whether it was the right thing that I had done. Her weeping haunted me the rest of the days. 

I took leave for a month. I didn’t know what to do. I sat in my room the whole time. The condition got worsened.

A few days later, my friend Sam happened to visit me and got stunned by what he saw. He talked and convinced me to see a doctor. We got ready and when we reached the hospital I felt that my whole life was falling apart. As I entered the building, memories of my father’s last days rushed back to me. I stepped back but Sam caught my hand and assured me, “We are doing it. Nothing will happen”. Those words meant a lot to me. He arranged an appointment for me with one of the best doctors there and after a few hours of waiting I sat in front of the doctor ready to listen to whateverhe was about to say. He asked a few questions and examined me and said, “You need to do a test, then only can we be sure as to what it is”. I took the test and was asked to come after three days.

Today is the third day and we reached the hospital on time. We are sitting outside the doctor’s cabin. A few more minutes and my life would change forever. Anything could happen. My hands are shaking. A lady in her mid-thirties came out and requested me to wait while Sam was asked to meet the doctor. He got up and I observed him as he walked to the door. I knew time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. “Ten, nine, eight, seven…”