Unforgettable memories
I attended an all-boys convent school as well as a gender-segregated college. My first job took me out of my hometown, and it was once again a place where I had no female company because my sales position required me to go on the road for 20 days or more every month. Add in my introverted temperament and general nervousness with people of the other sex, and it's no surprise that my contact with women in social situations and elsewhere was extremely restricted from my teens until my mid-twenties. When I returned to my hometown, I went to work for a well-known company for around 5 years before becoming dissatisfied with my job and deciding to leave without knowing what I would do next.
Now for the story: In mid-2008, at the age of 30, I decided to put in my papers, serve out my three-month notice, and then work out what the next chapter would be. That was a year when I did a lot of blogging, largely personal stuff, and I met a few other bloggers who I liked and followed, and we kept reading and commenting on each other's posts. A large number of these bloggers were based in Southeast Asia (SEA). I'm going to leave out names and keep it ambiguous. I became friends with one of these (female) bloggers and we used to communicate on MSN/Yahoo messenger (Oh, my God!). I'm not sure how old I am. She also was an Indian woman around 7 years my junior who worked as a consultant for a major company and, like me, was eager to travel the world, write about her experiences, and pursue additional education. Regardless, we established a preliminary plan that if I ever visited her neck of the woods, we would meet and, if all went well, try to make a trip together, ideally visiting an area in Asia that neither of us had been before.
By the time my notice period had expired, I had finalized my trip plans and was planning to spend around 3 months in the Asian region, with the aforementioned SEA countries as my base of operations. A pair of good friends who live in Southeast Asia generously offered me their extra room for the duration of my trip. After everything was in order, I called her and told her I'd see her in December. I spent a few weeks in Southeast Asia, meeting Ti (her name) and her roommates, and relaxing in the capital city, which had a cool nightlife and other attractions that were especially fun and interesting for someone like me who had not done much international traveling and had not stayed for an extended period outside of India. Ti and I had been loosely discussing traveling together to explore a handful of areas neither of us had been previously throughout our online chat, but we hadn't made any plans for it. We probably both wanted to see each other first to make sure we weren't ax murderer types :) And so, when I met Ti and her roommates for lunch at their apartment, we decided to go ahead with the plan. We decided on a country known for its temple complexes and booked our flights and accommodations there. I knew that if this trip went well, I'd want to travel with T to other locations because she was such a delightful, upbeat person with a contagious enthusiasm for music and travel.
I decided it was a good opportunity to see my aunt (mum's younger sister) and her family in another nearby nation to SEA because Ti had business responsibilities during the week (our 4-day vacation was scheduled closer to the weekend). The plan was to spend a few days with my aunt and then spend the night at an airport hotel before flying out early the next morning. Ti finished her work and flew in later that evening, and we returned to our room for a few hours of sleep after a post-dinner drink. We were both excited in the morning. It was a new experience for me because I had never traveled alone before, and when you add in a female travel companion (also a first for me), there was a tinge of fear in the air. I mean, I understand myself as a person and, by implication, as a traveler. I attempt to be as nice and accommodating as possible to help the other person feel at ease, even if it means sacrificing my comfort. So... what if this really weird guy with me doesn't agree?!? Those anxieties, however, were swiftly dispelled. It was so easygoing and laid-back that I could have been traveling with a male companion.
We arrive at our location and proceed to our hotel, which features an Irish pub on the ground floor from which you can access the rooms above. We had booked a room with twin beds the night before, but these beds were much larger, and four-poster beds at that... it was a bit claustrophobic, but we made it work. Our first day's itinerary included a visit to a well-known lake as well as the floating town ecology (also a tourist trap but we still wanted to go visit). T and I rented a speedboat for the day, and it was fascinating to witness folks go about their daily lives as they would in any other tiny town, except on the water! On the water, people are going to and from work, food shopping, churches, police stations, and much more. We returned late afternoon after a hard day to recover a little before heading into town in the evening to try the local cuisine and street food. Before we departed for dinner, we decided we'd have a drink in the pub downstairs. There was a major blackout halfway through our drinks, and the entire town was completely dark. So that put an end to our plans to go out, but that night in the bar turned out to be one of the most enjoyable nights I've ever had in my travels. We met a variety of people from different countries - the bar owner was French-Cameroonian, and his Irish-American wife kept us company and gave us free drinks as well as recommendations for places to see and things to do in case we were all "templed out," an English Italian count who regaled us with stories about his life in the army and running guns/drugs for the Italian mob, and now working as a jigger in this country, and an English Italian count. Ti was conversing with a Swiss lone traveler throughout those hours, and we were both getting a little tipsy. I finished my meal and turned around to look for Ti, but she was nowhere to be seen. Mild concern arose until the Irish-American bartender pointed to the lady's room, saying Ti had been there for some time.
I waited a few minutes more before knocking and asking Ti if she was okay. She muttered something about being OK and being out in a few minutes. She did emerge a few minutes later, looking a little battered. Despite her objections, I urged her to eat something to make her feel better, and about midnight, I half-carried her upstairs to her room. I dressed and walked outside for a smoke after she was settled in, then returned to my bed. When I was awaken awakened a few hours later by sounds coming from Ti's room, I had no idea what time it was. It took me a while to recover myself and realize Ti was rambling or sleep talking. I wasn't sure what to do, so I decided to just let her be. I fell asleep again, only to be awoken by her moaning a little while later. This time, though, she seemed agitated, so I went to her bedside to gently wake her up. She gradually regained her senses and semi-awoke after a decent bit of tapping on her shoulder and gentle shaking. She was still terrified out, and since I didn't know what else to do, I softly caressed her back to calm her down. It seemed to work, so she asked if I didn't mind lying next to her. Her speech had no other meaning except to express her desire for the consolation of another person beside her after that nightmare. But now I'm starting to panic. I didn't know what to make of it because it was my first time. After what seemed like an eternity but was just a few minutes, I scooted over to the other side of her bed and ultimately fell asleep after about an hour of staring at the ceiling.
When we awoke the next morning, she apologized for kicking me out, but I shrugged it off and moved on. We awoke at 5:30 a.m. on this temple day to try to catch the sunrise at this well-known temple complex. Unfortunately, the morning was muggy, so we didn't get the spectacular sunrise we had hoped for. Overall, it was a pleasant day in which we visited some temples before returning to town. We opted to have a foot massage because our feet were killing us from all the walking. T and I each paid $3 for an hour-long foot massage. Maybe I was just that exhausted, but the person massaging my feet had great hands. I was gone after 10 minutes of massage. I was exhausted from a rough night and lack of good sleep, as well as a full day at the temples. Ti had to poke me a few times because I was fast asleep. Our masseuses, on the other hand, were ecstatic that they were able to throw me into a coma, and after my sleep, I was more than willing to leave a hefty tip. I'm referring to the message :)
Ti asked if she could snuggle up to me and sleep that night as we were preparing to leave because she felt much better. She came to my bed, snuggled up, put her arm around my chest, and proceeded to get comfy, again a little freaked, but the previous night's experience sorta calmed me down faster, and this time she came to my bed and without much ado, snuggled up, put her arm around my chest, and proceeded to get comfy. Good for her, I reasoned, but what about me?! I was lay on my back, staring at the ceiling with a wonderful warm curvy female body laying against it, not moving an inch. My heart began to beat quicker the more I thought about it. Ti was no exception to the rule that most women are aware of their impact on males. She was, however, unconcerned about it, moving her palm across my chest and resting it over my heart, and saying, "Relax..." Well, easier said than done, but I did eventually relax and become more at ease. We couldn't sleep because we couldn't sleep, so we spoke about strange things we'd seen and done during the previous two days. The talk shifted to more personal matters, and I inquired as to why, despite only knowing each other for a short time, she felt comfortable traveling with me. She stated I had a safe feel' about myself and that I behaved well and was a fun person to be around in all of our meetings. Then she asked if I thought she was pretty, and the palpitations returned! I tried to ignore the question with a nervous laugh, but she persisted, so I responded sure, I did find her attractive. But, because women aren't willing to leave things alone, she said, "What exactly do you find attractive about me?" Now, I could have saved myself some trouble by telling her the obvious things like how much I liked her, how much she smiled, how we shared common interests like music and travel, and how much I enjoyed reading her blog. But, for whatever reason, I countered with, "You mean physically?!" believing it was a bit too direct and would likely silence her. I'm not sure if I read too much into it, but it appeared like Ti was anticipating my initial set of responses, but now that I'd asked for clarification, there was no way she wouldn't get an answer to this exact question, so she answered yes. You have to understand how introverted I was in the past, and for a brief while, that old self reared its ugly head. I could have told her she was cute or that she had a beautiful smile or anything equally safe, but for reasons I'll never understand, I opted to be honest and tell her, "I think you have extremely kissable lips." Needless to say, we put that to the test pretty quickly, and very successfully. She's still one of the best kissers I've ever kissed.
We grew closer physically throughout the remaining days of that trip. Over the next 2–3 months, I went on a few more excursions and had a great time. It wasn't long until I had to return home. When I returned, I was still jobless, but I knew what I wanted to do. But it would have to happen in India because I couldn't afford to move to Southeast Asia and work there. Ti and I tried to do the long-distance thing, but we both knew it would be difficult, especially since she planned to go to the United States to further her education. We eventually had "the conversation" and agreed to end it. Even though we'd had a few chats about it before the final one, it still hit me like a ton of bricks. However, in such situations, one must put on the mard ko dard nahi Hota mask. I knew Ti was hurting as well, and at my darkest moments while suffering from this split, I would selfishly think of her grief and it would make me feel a little better for a while. Yes, I know... I'm a child, but my heart had been crushed, and it appeared like she was fulfilling her dreams out in the West and had met someone. It took me nearly five years to fully recover from her, and the pain gradually lessened. We'd still talk to each other on our birthdays a handful of times a year. She'd tell me about her day and everyone important in her life, and I'd tell her about my work and how things were going. Despite my friends' best efforts to set me up, I refused to pursue any relationship. I believe the tipping point was when she said she was growing serious about the guy she'd been dating for a while... like marriage serious. That was pretty much the final nail in the coffin of my broken heart, and it was placed to rest.
In the years since my work has finally taken off and is doing reasonably well. My weekends are now more enjoyable because I've acquired a few new close friends and pursued a couple of hobbies. Ti married the same guy a few years ago, and our yearly phone conversations may become less regular now that she's expecting her first child. We reminisced about the old days and this particular trip during one of our most recent annual discussions. I told her I loved her, and she'll always have a particular place in my heart since that period of my life and those circumstances shaped who I am now. I was shy, too introverted, self-conscious about my body, and other anxieties at the time. I still have to deal with some of these issues now and again. She, on the other hand, instilled in me the belief that I could be a good boyfriend or a decent love possibility in general. Years later, I asked her what it was about me that she found appealing enough to consider us getting personal. "You mindfucked me in the kindest possible way," and that's now a big deal with me. I'm not implying that there has been a slew of women since Ti. But, as a result of her, my contacts with women are usually motivated by a desire to be their friend before considering anything romantic. Sure, I get friend-zoned a lot because of that, but I can deal with it.
I doubt Ti will ever see this, but if she does, she should know how much she has influenced my life, and for that, I am always thankful. I wish her and her new family all the best, and I hope their child grows up to be a happy and healthy youngster.
I attended an all-boys convent school as well as a gender-segregated college. My first job took me out of my hometown, and it was once again a place where I had no female company because my sales position required me to go on the road for 20 days or more every month. Add in my introverted temperament and general nervousness with people of the other sex, and it's no surprise that my contact with women in social situations and elsewhere was extremely restricted from my teens until my mid-twenties. When I returned to my hometown, I went to work for a well-known company for around 5 years before becoming dissatisfied with my job and deciding to leave without knowing what I would do next.
Now for the story: In mid-2008, at the age of 30, I decided to put in my papers, serve out my three-month notice, and then work out what the next chapter would be. That was a year when I did a lot of blogging, largely personal stuff, and I met a few other bloggers who I liked and followed, and we kept reading and commenting on each other's posts. A large number of these bloggers were based in Southeast Asia (SEA). I'm going to leave out names and keep it ambiguous. I became friends with one of these (female) bloggers and we used to communicate on MSN/Yahoo messenger (Oh, my God!). I'm not sure how old I am. She also was an Indian woman around 7 years my junior who worked as a consultant for a major company and, like me, was eager to travel the world, write about her experiences, and pursue additional education. Regardless, we established a preliminary plan that if I ever visited her neck of the woods, we would meet and, if all went well, try to make a trip together, ideally visiting an area in Asia that neither of us had been before.
By the time my notice period had expired, I had finalized my trip plans and was planning to spend around 3 months in the Asian region, with the aforementioned SEA countries as my base of operations. A pair of good friends who live in Southeast Asia generously offered me their extra room for the duration of my trip. After everything was in order, I called her and told her I'd see her in December. I spent a few weeks in Southeast Asia, meeting Ti (her name) and her roommates, and relaxing in the capital city, which had a cool nightlife and other attractions that were especially fun and interesting for someone like me who had not done much international traveling and had not stayed for an extended period outside of India. Ti and I had been loosely discussing traveling together to explore a handful of areas neither of us had been previously throughout our online chat, but we hadn't made any plans for it. We probably both wanted to see each other first to make sure we weren't ax murderer types :) And so, when I met Ti and her roommates for lunch at their apartment, we decided to go ahead with the plan. We decided on a country known for its temple complexes and booked our flights and accommodations there. I knew that if this trip went well, I'd want to travel with T to other locations because she was such a delightful, upbeat person with a contagious enthusiasm for music and travel.
I decided it was a good opportunity to see my aunt (mum's younger sister) and her family in another nearby nation to SEA because Ti had business responsibilities during the week (our 4-day vacation was scheduled closer to the weekend). The plan was to spend a few days with my aunt and then spend the night at an airport hotel before flying out early the next morning. Ti finished her work and flew in later that evening, and we returned to our room for a few hours of sleep after a post-dinner drink. We were both excited in the morning. It was a new experience for me because I had never traveled alone before, and when you add in a female travel companion (also a first for me), there was a tinge of fear in the air. I mean, I understand myself as a person and, by implication, as a traveler. I attempt to be as nice and accommodating as possible to help the other person feel at ease, even if it means sacrificing my comfort. So... what if this really weird guy with me doesn't agree?!? Those anxieties, however, were swiftly dispelled. It was so easygoing and laid-back that I could have been traveling with a male companion.
We arrive at our location and proceed to our hotel, which features an Irish pub on the ground floor from which you can access the rooms above. We had booked a room with twin beds the night before, but these beds were much larger, and four-poster beds at that... it was a bit claustrophobic, but we made it work. Our first day's itinerary included a visit to a well-known lake as well as the floating town ecology (also a tourist trap but we still wanted to go visit). T and I rented a speedboat for the day, and it was fascinating to witness folks go about their daily lives as they would in any other tiny town, except on the water! On the water, people are going to and from work, food shopping, churches, police stations, and much more. We returned late afternoon after a hard day to recover a little before heading into town in the evening to try the local cuisine and street food. Before we departed for dinner, we decided we'd have a drink in the pub downstairs. There was a major blackout halfway through our drinks, and the entire town was completely dark. So that put an end to our plans to go out, but that night in the bar turned out to be one of the most enjoyable nights I've ever had in my travels. We met a variety of people from different countries - the bar owner was French-Cameroonian, and his Irish-American wife kept us company and gave us free drinks as well as recommendations for places to see and things to do in case we were all "templed out," an English Italian count who regaled us with stories about his life in the army and running guns/drugs for the Italian mob, and now working as a jigger in this country, and an English Italian count. Ti was conversing with a Swiss lone traveler throughout those hours, and we were both getting a little tipsy. I finished my meal and turned around to look for Ti, but she was nowhere to be seen. Mild concern arose until the Irish-American bartender pointed to the lady's room, saying Ti had been there for some time.
I waited a few minutes more before knocking and asking Ti if she was okay. She muttered something about being OK and being out in a few minutes. She did emerge a few minutes later, looking a little battered. Despite her objections, I urged her to eat something to make her feel better, and about midnight, I half-carried her upstairs to her room. I dressed and walked outside for a smoke after she was settled in, then returned to my bed. When I was awaken awakened a few hours later by sounds coming from Ti's room, I had no idea what time it was. It took me a while to recover myself and realize Ti was rambling or sleep talking. I wasn't sure what to do, so I decided to just let her be. I fell asleep again, only to be awoken by her moaning a little while later. This time, though, she seemed agitated, so I went to her bedside to gently wake her up. She gradually regained her senses and semi-awoke after a decent bit of tapping on her shoulder and gentle shaking. She was still terrified out, and since I didn't know what else to do, I softly caressed her back to calm her down. It seemed to work, so she asked if I didn't mind lying next to her. Her speech had no other meaning except to express her desire for the consolation of another person beside her after that nightmare. But now I'm starting to panic. I didn't know what to make of it because it was my first time. After what seemed like an eternity but was just a few minutes, I scooted over to the other side of her bed and ultimately fell asleep after about an hour of staring at the ceiling.
When we awoke the next morning, she apologized for kicking me out, but I shrugged it off and moved on. We awoke at 5:30 a.m. on this temple day to try to catch the sunrise at this well-known temple complex. Unfortunately, the morning was muggy, so we didn't get the spectacular sunrise we had hoped for. Overall, it was a pleasant day in which we visited some temples before returning to town. We opted to have a foot massage because our feet were killing us from all the walking. T and I each paid $3 for an hour-long foot massage. Maybe I was just that exhausted, but the person massaging my feet had great hands. I was gone after 10 minutes of massage. I was exhausted from a rough night and lack of good sleep, as well as a full day at the temples. Ti had to poke me a few times because I was fast asleep. Our masseuses, on the other hand, were ecstatic that they were able to throw me into a coma, and after my sleep, I was more than willing to leave a hefty tip. I'm referring to the message :)
Ti asked if she could snuggle up to me and sleep that night as we were preparing to leave because she felt much better. She came to my bed, snuggled up, put her arm around my chest, and proceeded to get comfy, again a little freaked, but the previous night's experience sorta calmed me down faster, and this time she came to my bed and without much ado, snuggled up, put her arm around my chest, and proceeded to get comfy. Good for her, I reasoned, but what about me?! I was lay on my back, staring at the ceiling with a wonderful warm curvy female body laying against it, not moving an inch. My heart began to beat quicker the more I thought about it. Ti was no exception to the rule that most women are aware of their impact on males. She was, however, unconcerned about it, moving her palm across my chest and resting it over my heart, and saying, "Relax..." Well, easier said than done, but I did eventually relax and become more at ease. We couldn't sleep because we couldn't sleep, so we spoke about strange things we'd seen and done during the previous two days. The talk shifted to more personal matters, and I inquired as to why, despite only knowing each other for a short time, she felt comfortable traveling with me. She stated I had a safe feel' about myself and that I behaved well and was a fun person to be around in all of our meetings. Then she asked if I thought she was pretty, and the palpitations returned! I tried to ignore the question with a nervous laugh, but she persisted, so I responded sure, I did find her attractive. But, because women aren't willing to leave things alone, she said, "What exactly do you find attractive about me?" Now, I could have saved myself some trouble by telling her the obvious things like how much I liked her, how much she smiled, how we shared common interests like music and travel, and how much I enjoyed reading her blog. But, for whatever reason, I countered with, "You mean physically?!" believing it was a bit too direct and would likely silence her. I'm not sure if I read too much into it, but it appeared like Ti was anticipating my initial set of responses, but now that I'd asked for clarification, there was no way she wouldn't get an answer to this exact question, so she answered yes. You have to understand how introverted I was in the past, and for a brief while, that old self reared its ugly head. I could have told her she was cute or that she had a beautiful smile or anything equally safe, but for reasons I'll never understand, I opted to be honest and tell her, "I think you have extremely kissable lips." Needless to say, we put that to the test pretty quickly, and very successfully. She's still one of the best kissers I've ever kissed.
We grew closer physically throughout the remaining days of that trip. Over the next 2–3 months, I went on a few more excursions and had a great time. It wasn't long until I had to return home. When I returned, I was still jobless, but I knew what I wanted to do. But it would have to happen in India because I couldn't afford to move to Southeast Asia and work there. Ti and I tried to do the long-distance thing, but we both knew it would be difficult, especially since she planned to go to the United States to further her education. We eventually had "the conversation" and agreed to end it. Even though we'd had a few chats about it before the final one, it still hit me like a ton of bricks. However, in such situations, one must put on the mard ko dard nahi Hota mask. I knew Ti was hurting as well, and at my darkest moments while suffering from this split, I would selfishly think of her grief and it would make me feel a little better for a while. Yes, I know... I'm a child, but my heart had been crushed, and it appeared like she was fulfilling her dreams out in the West and had met someone. It took me nearly five years to fully recover from her, and the pain gradually lessened. We'd still talk to each other on our birthdays a handful of times a year. She'd tell me about her day and everyone important in her life, and I'd tell her about my work and how things were going. Despite my friends' best efforts to set me up, I refused to pursue any relationship. I believe the tipping point was when she said she was growing serious about the guy she'd been dating for a while... like marriage serious. That was pretty much the final nail in the coffin of my broken heart, and it was placed to rest.
In the years since my work has finally taken off and is doing reasonably well. My weekends are now more enjoyable because I've acquired a few new close friends and pursued a couple of hobbies. Ti married the same guy a few years ago, and our yearly phone conversations may become less regular now that she's expecting her first child. We reminisced about the old days and this particular trip during one of our most recent annual discussions. I told her I loved her, and she'll always have a particular place in my heart since that period of my life and those circumstances shaped who I am now. I was shy, too introverted, self-conscious about my body, and other anxieties at the time. I still have to deal with some of these issues now and again. She, on the other hand, instilled in me the belief that I could be a good boyfriend or a decent love possibility in general. Years later, I asked her what it was about me that she found appealing enough to consider us getting personal. "You mindfucked me in the kindest possible way," and that's now a big deal with me. I'm not implying that there has been a slew of women since Ti. But, as a result of her, my contacts with women are usually motivated by a desire to be their friend before considering anything romantic. Sure, I get friend-zoned a lot because of that, but I can deal with it.
I doubt Ti will ever see this, but if she does, she should know how much she has influenced my life, and for that, I am always thankful. I wish her and her new family all the best, and I hope their child grows up to be a happy and healthy youngster.
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