There I was, 16 or 17 years old. Drunk sitting in the scholl office talking to an officer. How we got here, well that's a long story. Lets start by saying there is more than what is being told. But if I were to get detail for detail then this chapter would become books. I had a lot of problems that no one would help me with and one of them was drinking. It was easier to stay drunk or crossed and waddle through life waiting for the better days to come. Being a child who was never allowed to be a child, it was easier that way. So the liquor I consumed was mine, but I wasn't supposed to get it yet. I had planned to get it after school. I had a weird feeling and wanted to wait. But the female whom I was dating at the time went behind my back and got it on school before school. She found me after I got to school and I could tell she had it. Her backpack was so full I could see the outline. So obvious, I couldn't let her get caught with it. I knew her mom would actually be at the hell out of her. She was too small and submissive to her mom I new she wouldn't be able to protect herself. Needlesss to say I put it in my bag after I popped the top and drank me a drinky. I hadn't eaten and that J.D. hit me like a warm wave of shh. It was beautiful and I was happy. I couldn't shake this feeling of something isn't right. My girl asked for a drink, so I gave her a taste. Its too early for her and she is toosmall to drink all day. But a taste wouldn't hurt, at least that's what I thought.
First bell rings, people begin to move and head to classes. People passing by as I stand outside my class. Spanish is my first task of the day. I adore the culture and I find language to be one of the most fascinating things about people. But the Spanish culture has always had a home in my heart. I sat at my desk and 2 of my class mates whom sit near me knew I had been tasting. They were closer to me than most people, they knew I loved me some lick of the core. Smiling at me the asked, "Did you get some juice with breakfast?" Smiling back I nod, "But of course, Breakfast of champs. Only the best." Looking in the direction of my bag one girl asks, "Here? Now?" Nodding I say, "Didn't have time to leave it outside. She brought it to school. You know me, wasn't going to leave it on her person." They nod agreeing with me, one asks. "Why did she bring it on campus?" Shocked I exclaimed. "Your guess is as good as mine, she say she was 'excited' I don't know man. I told her how against it I was." Our teacher beging roll call. Last name with and A I get to be one of the first in attendance. As soon as we are half way through the list and knock on the door happens.
In this time spend of 2 seconds between knock and door opening. My stomach dropped, my heart raced and I had the need to run. Sitting still and calm with the rest of the class we look over at the Pastor whowalked in. He is a yard duty at school but a Pastor outside of school. Very kind and loving man, a blessing to have known. I sighed knowing it was for me, I could feel it in my bones. One of the girls whispered 'leave your bag with me, I got you.' Even she could feel the energy pulling on mine. His eyes were watching me as well as the teacher. They were too aware of their surroundings. I whispered back, 'no, they are paying attention to us.'. We sit in the front rows, kinda hard not to be seen. The Pastor doesn't know me by name so he wouldn't have known to watch me. Our teacher asks, "How can we help you this fine morning Pastor?" Smiling at each other they exchange greetings and the Pastor says kindly. "I was hoping to borrow one of your kids. The office is asking for them this morning." Looking around the room he says "Whom is need, please get your things and follow the Pastor. If you are unable to come back, I will catch you up when you return to me." The class full of silence you can hear my sigh loud and clear. The Pastor looks at me and asks "Are you Natasha Adams by chance?"
Defeatdly I drag myself up from my seat and pull up my bag onto my shoulder. "Yeah, That's me Pastor. I assume it is me you are here for." Chucking with my teacher they are in disbelief that I am in trouble. "I assume you know why then? Come on I will walk you there real slow. We can talk if you want." I sighed "If you don't mind, I'd like that a lot." My teacher hands me the class workand says "I have no doubt you can handle this work today. You are top of the class, if you need help just reach out." Not wanting to open my bag and share my shame with him. I walk out of the class papers in hand. Pastor and I begin to talk. "You seem down, is it that bad?" I stop and look at him." Pastor, I am a kind hearted person who will fight for all the right reasons. I am so understanding its hard to hate people for what they do. But all in all, Pastor. I am a child whom never was allowed to be a child. I am a child who cries loudly for help reaching out to hands that say they love me. Only to be told I am a lier and cast to the side due to imperfections. Because I am a problem. I have been taught my existence is only okay if I am serving and giving. Pastor Phil, I live in the bottom of the bottle because the burn of the alcohol I breathe as I drown hurts less than the burn I feel wrapped in the 'love' I receive." Opening my bag I show him the half gallon of J.D. that lay in the bottom of my cross bag. Teary eyed Pastor asks if he can hug me and pray for me. I do not believe in his god. But, I respect and appreciate that he cares so much for me that he goes to his higher power on my behalf. I nod with tears in my eyes and wrapp my arms around his waste. Pastor is a giant of a man, but the gentalist of people you'll ever meet. After prayer and a moment to catch my breath, he asksif I am ready. The office is radioing him asking eta. We were only around the corner, the class is close to the office. They might have thought a fight broke out or something. He raideos back that we were talking and that we're on our way up now. He asks "You really think they know about it? You seem really sure." Sighing again, " Im sure, you said my girlfriend is in the office. I wouldn't know why else I'd be asked for. I can feel it in my bones Pastor. Today I go down on the ship. But I wont be taking anyone with me." He asks "What do you mean?" Smiling I say, "Pastor Phil, I am a women of my word. I gave my word to someone, and I will be damned if I don't keep it." Smiling he says to me "Well, I wont pry. I don't wanna step on your business. But may I ask, is it for the good?" Stopping at the office doors I turn to him. "Pastor may I have one more hug please?" Smiling he says "Always, nothing is the last unless you want it to be." Chucking I say "So true Pastor Phil. And your answer, always for the better Pastor, never for the worst." Nodding at me in agreeance and part ways and I enter the office.
All eyes on me, whispers crawl around the room. My girlfriend, our female friend, and a male whom we know is sitting in the room. The vice principales are now walking in. One male and one female, eye on me the man speaks. "Natasha I assume?" I nod and he uses his hand to finger gesture his beconing of me to come into the office room. I walkinto the females office and the conversation of a life time goes down. The male is being a real unprofessional ass. He tries to take my bag and go through it. I stand quickly and point my finger at his face. "You do not have my permission to go through my bag! Get your hands off of my bag and step away." Angery he steps up to me, "I have the right to do as I please. I am vice principle .." Cutting him off as I step up the him the way he did to me. " I said what I said and no the fuck you don't. I am a female student and you are a male representation of this school. I will seu you. Get away from my bag you fucking creep." The female vice principle reach forward as his anger boils. He leans forward about to speak, and her voice breaks the tension in the air. As her hand grabs my bag he says, "May I then?" With her other hand she taps is wrist with her 2 fingers and he steps off and back. You can see his disapproval and anger but he pockets it. "Yes, that is fine by me. I will even tell you everything in my bag and where to find it. As the female here, You alone have permission to search my bag." He grits his teeth, and his neck face and head are redder and redder. She goes through my bag and I name it all before she gets there. My half gal and my shot glass come out. He seems to think this is his chance, he begins to raise his voice to me again." Who got it for you?! Was it him, was it Nick?!" Acting confused andunsure I look at him and then her I address. "What is he talking about? If he is going to be loud and aggressive I will not talk to him. He is an angry creepy little man who makes me feel unsafe." Hearing my words she stands and looks at him. You can see her silent body language asstering her dominance and him backing down and sitting back. "This Young women is not the only one who has said this. I suggest you tone it down. I myself feel her statement is a correct assessment." She looks to me and asks, "Did you see the kids in the waiting room?" Looking at her I said not really, just my girlfriend. She asked which one was herr. We look out their window and I point herr out. I am asked again about a kid named Nick, I told them I wasn't aware of whom he is. Just that he had a life and was here. I didn't know him, have just seen him. The man wasn't happy with my answer, you can tell he wanted me to name him. They asked me if I don't know him and he didn't sell me my alcohol then where did I get it. I lied and said it was a man outside of school that I never meet before and he gave it to me on the way to school. I stuck to my guns and didn't budge. I was then told that the cops were coming due to the large amount of alcohol I had on me, underage and under the influence.
I was then taken to a large room to sit alone and to wait. The officer comes in and goes over the facts with me. He thentells me my parents have been called. He asks me "Is there anything else in your bag that might get you in trouble at home? I wont add it to the charge today. I'm only here to help not ruin your life." I look at him and realize that the man standing before meant what he said. I told him where he can find my hid away pocket and that I had a lighter between my tits. He lets me know he is going to get my bag and see if he can find it. As asked me to get the lighter out when he wasn't in the room and give it to him when he returns. He came back a few minutes later to inform he he could not infact find said pocket on my bag. I had him my lighter and point out the hidden zipper. I glance out the window hoping not to see mom pulling in. I could feel the energy levels all over the place. It felt like I swallowed butterflies. The officer compliments my craftmanship and requested I don't bring my ciggarets to school anymore. I see the van pull into a parking spot at what looked to be mock speeds. My heart fell out my ass and I began to shake as I watched my father get out of the van alone and stomp across the lot at a speed I never knew he had. I swallow hard and turn like a tin man without oil. "My father is here, alone, and he is angry." My eyes of horror stair at the door. "You should talk to him, get yourself ready. I will talk with him and then we will come in th talk to you." He leaves the room for what feltlike a century. The door creeks open and my eyes hit the floor below me. I can not seem to bring my head to higher levels. I can not meet my fathers eye, let alone any part of his face. I hear the officer clearr his throat, I can feel the red consuming my face and the hotness of tears whell up into my eyes. My father has yet to echknowledge my existence personally. When he speaks with the officer I can hear his anger and disappointment in his voice. The tension in the room is suffoctiong. His unhappiness with me feels like a noose around my neck. When I have to speak to him I don't raise my face any higher then his collar bones. "Wont you look your father in the face while you speak to him?" His voice lightly stern with a softness to it. The tears sting my eyes as the drip like lava from my eyes. "I can not." I croak out. Ashamed that I can not face my father, I am now unable to bring my face any higher to see the officers face as well. Small talk made and paperwork done, I am now alone in the van with my father driving home. A man a few words he is, but not a one was spoken on the way home. This man, did not, I repeat did not speak to me for 3 weeks.
Grounded for life, have to go to court, and thank the gods the choose not to expel me. But I was not allowed to come back for a few weeks. Court made me pay the smallest fine with the greatest time to pay it back. I worked my fingers to the bone to pay offmy debt, and I did not drink again for the longest time. Later I found out that my girl flipped on me because she had been caught in class drink vodka out a water bottle with our friend. So instead of going with that. She threw me under the bus as well as the guy we bought it from. Speaking of him. When I saw him again in passing I said." It wasn't me. I went under the bus too. But I wouldn't flip on you." He looks at me and smiles. "You a real one for that. What happened to you?" I gave him a quick run down while looking at the sky. Turning back to him I said "You went out on a limb for us. I talked you into it under the rule of I wouldn't flip. You said you were on you last straw. I wasn't about to fuck up your life because I wanted to drink." Exchanging smiles he hugs me and we went about our day. I broke up with my girl and tried to move on with my life.
First bell rings, people begin to move and head to classes. People passing by as I stand outside my class. Spanish is my first task of the day. I adore the culture and I find language to be one of the most fascinating things about people. But the Spanish culture has always had a home in my heart. I sat at my desk and 2 of my class mates whom sit near me knew I had been tasting. They were closer to me than most people, they knew I loved me some lick of the core. Smiling at me the asked, "Did you get some juice with breakfast?" Smiling back I nod, "But of course, Breakfast of champs. Only the best." Looking in the direction of my bag one girl asks, "Here? Now?" Nodding I say, "Didn't have time to leave it outside. She brought it to school. You know me, wasn't going to leave it on her person." They nod agreeing with me, one asks. "Why did she bring it on campus?" Shocked I exclaimed. "Your guess is as good as mine, she say she was 'excited' I don't know man. I told her how against it I was." Our teacher beging roll call. Last name with and A I get to be one of the first in attendance. As soon as we are half way through the list and knock on the door happens.
In this time spend of 2 seconds between knock and door opening. My stomach dropped, my heart raced and I had the need to run. Sitting still and calm with the rest of the class we look over at the Pastor whowalked in. He is a yard duty at school but a Pastor outside of school. Very kind and loving man, a blessing to have known. I sighed knowing it was for me, I could feel it in my bones. One of the girls whispered 'leave your bag with me, I got you.' Even she could feel the energy pulling on mine. His eyes were watching me as well as the teacher. They were too aware of their surroundings. I whispered back, 'no, they are paying attention to us.'. We sit in the front rows, kinda hard not to be seen. The Pastor doesn't know me by name so he wouldn't have known to watch me. Our teacher asks, "How can we help you this fine morning Pastor?" Smiling at each other they exchange greetings and the Pastor says kindly. "I was hoping to borrow one of your kids. The office is asking for them this morning." Looking around the room he says "Whom is need, please get your things and follow the Pastor. If you are unable to come back, I will catch you up when you return to me." The class full of silence you can hear my sigh loud and clear. The Pastor looks at me and asks "Are you Natasha Adams by chance?"
Defeatdly I drag myself up from my seat and pull up my bag onto my shoulder. "Yeah, That's me Pastor. I assume it is me you are here for." Chucking with my teacher they are in disbelief that I am in trouble. "I assume you know why then? Come on I will walk you there real slow. We can talk if you want." I sighed "If you don't mind, I'd like that a lot." My teacher hands me the class workand says "I have no doubt you can handle this work today. You are top of the class, if you need help just reach out." Not wanting to open my bag and share my shame with him. I walk out of the class papers in hand. Pastor and I begin to talk. "You seem down, is it that bad?" I stop and look at him." Pastor, I am a kind hearted person who will fight for all the right reasons. I am so understanding its hard to hate people for what they do. But all in all, Pastor. I am a child whom never was allowed to be a child. I am a child who cries loudly for help reaching out to hands that say they love me. Only to be told I am a lier and cast to the side due to imperfections. Because I am a problem. I have been taught my existence is only okay if I am serving and giving. Pastor Phil, I live in the bottom of the bottle because the burn of the alcohol I breathe as I drown hurts less than the burn I feel wrapped in the 'love' I receive." Opening my bag I show him the half gallon of J.D. that lay in the bottom of my cross bag. Teary eyed Pastor asks if he can hug me and pray for me. I do not believe in his god. But, I respect and appreciate that he cares so much for me that he goes to his higher power on my behalf. I nod with tears in my eyes and wrapp my arms around his waste. Pastor is a giant of a man, but the gentalist of people you'll ever meet. After prayer and a moment to catch my breath, he asksif I am ready. The office is radioing him asking eta. We were only around the corner, the class is close to the office. They might have thought a fight broke out or something. He raideos back that we were talking and that we're on our way up now. He asks "You really think they know about it? You seem really sure." Sighing again, " Im sure, you said my girlfriend is in the office. I wouldn't know why else I'd be asked for. I can feel it in my bones Pastor. Today I go down on the ship. But I wont be taking anyone with me." He asks "What do you mean?" Smiling I say, "Pastor Phil, I am a women of my word. I gave my word to someone, and I will be damned if I don't keep it." Smiling he says to me "Well, I wont pry. I don't wanna step on your business. But may I ask, is it for the good?" Stopping at the office doors I turn to him. "Pastor may I have one more hug please?" Smiling he says "Always, nothing is the last unless you want it to be." Chucking I say "So true Pastor Phil. And your answer, always for the better Pastor, never for the worst." Nodding at me in agreeance and part ways and I enter the office.
All eyes on me, whispers crawl around the room. My girlfriend, our female friend, and a male whom we know is sitting in the room. The vice principales are now walking in. One male and one female, eye on me the man speaks. "Natasha I assume?" I nod and he uses his hand to finger gesture his beconing of me to come into the office room. I walkinto the females office and the conversation of a life time goes down. The male is being a real unprofessional ass. He tries to take my bag and go through it. I stand quickly and point my finger at his face. "You do not have my permission to go through my bag! Get your hands off of my bag and step away." Angery he steps up to me, "I have the right to do as I please. I am vice principle .." Cutting him off as I step up the him the way he did to me. " I said what I said and no the fuck you don't. I am a female student and you are a male representation of this school. I will seu you. Get away from my bag you fucking creep." The female vice principle reach forward as his anger boils. He leans forward about to speak, and her voice breaks the tension in the air. As her hand grabs my bag he says, "May I then?" With her other hand she taps is wrist with her 2 fingers and he steps off and back. You can see his disapproval and anger but he pockets it. "Yes, that is fine by me. I will even tell you everything in my bag and where to find it. As the female here, You alone have permission to search my bag." He grits his teeth, and his neck face and head are redder and redder. She goes through my bag and I name it all before she gets there. My half gal and my shot glass come out. He seems to think this is his chance, he begins to raise his voice to me again." Who got it for you?! Was it him, was it Nick?!" Acting confused andunsure I look at him and then her I address. "What is he talking about? If he is going to be loud and aggressive I will not talk to him. He is an angry creepy little man who makes me feel unsafe." Hearing my words she stands and looks at him. You can see her silent body language asstering her dominance and him backing down and sitting back. "This Young women is not the only one who has said this. I suggest you tone it down. I myself feel her statement is a correct assessment." She looks to me and asks, "Did you see the kids in the waiting room?" Looking at her I said not really, just my girlfriend. She asked which one was herr. We look out their window and I point herr out. I am asked again about a kid named Nick, I told them I wasn't aware of whom he is. Just that he had a life and was here. I didn't know him, have just seen him. The man wasn't happy with my answer, you can tell he wanted me to name him. They asked me if I don't know him and he didn't sell me my alcohol then where did I get it. I lied and said it was a man outside of school that I never meet before and he gave it to me on the way to school. I stuck to my guns and didn't budge. I was then told that the cops were coming due to the large amount of alcohol I had on me, underage and under the influence.
I was then taken to a large room to sit alone and to wait. The officer comes in and goes over the facts with me. He thentells me my parents have been called. He asks me "Is there anything else in your bag that might get you in trouble at home? I wont add it to the charge today. I'm only here to help not ruin your life." I look at him and realize that the man standing before meant what he said. I told him where he can find my hid away pocket and that I had a lighter between my tits. He lets me know he is going to get my bag and see if he can find it. As asked me to get the lighter out when he wasn't in the room and give it to him when he returns. He came back a few minutes later to inform he he could not infact find said pocket on my bag. I had him my lighter and point out the hidden zipper. I glance out the window hoping not to see mom pulling in. I could feel the energy levels all over the place. It felt like I swallowed butterflies. The officer compliments my craftmanship and requested I don't bring my ciggarets to school anymore. I see the van pull into a parking spot at what looked to be mock speeds. My heart fell out my ass and I began to shake as I watched my father get out of the van alone and stomp across the lot at a speed I never knew he had. I swallow hard and turn like a tin man without oil. "My father is here, alone, and he is angry." My eyes of horror stair at the door. "You should talk to him, get yourself ready. I will talk with him and then we will come in th talk to you." He leaves the room for what feltlike a century. The door creeks open and my eyes hit the floor below me. I can not seem to bring my head to higher levels. I can not meet my fathers eye, let alone any part of his face. I hear the officer clearr his throat, I can feel the red consuming my face and the hotness of tears whell up into my eyes. My father has yet to echknowledge my existence personally. When he speaks with the officer I can hear his anger and disappointment in his voice. The tension in the room is suffoctiong. His unhappiness with me feels like a noose around my neck. When I have to speak to him I don't raise my face any higher then his collar bones. "Wont you look your father in the face while you speak to him?" His voice lightly stern with a softness to it. The tears sting my eyes as the drip like lava from my eyes. "I can not." I croak out. Ashamed that I can not face my father, I am now unable to bring my face any higher to see the officers face as well. Small talk made and paperwork done, I am now alone in the van with my father driving home. A man a few words he is, but not a one was spoken on the way home. This man, did not, I repeat did not speak to me for 3 weeks.
Grounded for life, have to go to court, and thank the gods the choose not to expel me. But I was not allowed to come back for a few weeks. Court made me pay the smallest fine with the greatest time to pay it back. I worked my fingers to the bone to pay offmy debt, and I did not drink again for the longest time. Later I found out that my girl flipped on me because she had been caught in class drink vodka out a water bottle with our friend. So instead of going with that. She threw me under the bus as well as the guy we bought it from. Speaking of him. When I saw him again in passing I said." It wasn't me. I went under the bus too. But I wouldn't flip on you." He looks at me and smiles. "You a real one for that. What happened to you?" I gave him a quick run down while looking at the sky. Turning back to him I said "You went out on a limb for us. I talked you into it under the rule of I wouldn't flip. You said you were on you last straw. I wasn't about to fuck up your life because I wanted to drink." Exchanging smiles he hugs me and we went about our day. I broke up with my girl and tried to move on with my life.
Support Natasha Adams
