Take 100? Well, actually I'm not even sure which number this would be. I've been at this same standstill for as long as I can think of in every possible aspect, you could possibly think of yet certain times the outcomes are not the same some are worse than the ones before, and some are better than the next even the unknown outcomes. yet me I'm still somehow becoming a little more and more worse. I've noticed lately that my ways of handling it just took me closer and closer to the fucked up substances that are now just seeming to take over me, pushing not only my view on me, but others view on me further and further from the actual me that I and everybody else once knew. when I am given ways and or things to pull me away from all of it something just takes me right back. I don't know if that is my day-to-day life drama if it's the I'm so used to it part or if it's something I need help with yet I'm never strong enough to ask for it being as though I'm so used to being on my own finding what I think is right or right things to help myself or at least help it for the moment until recently. I never felt strong enough now I know I can be. I'm taking back my life and getting back to the real me.